


More than just the body

by AmebThings



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Beta Read, Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, No Sex Scenes, Reno is a jerk, Rude's POV, Secret Relationship, Swearing, soft men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25961551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmebThings/pseuds/AmebThings
Summary: (What happens, when you take long term friends-with-benefits and remove the benefits? A case study.)Rude takes a drug that leaves him chemically castrated for a while. That lets him reflect on things in peace.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	More than just the body

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic, that I'd never guess would happen (writing is so hard! But then again, making a comic out of it would kill me propably)
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta for fixing all my grammar mistakes, you are the best <3.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy!

More than just the body

Rude really wanted to say something as soon as he left the doctor's office, but, as usual, his partner wouldn't let him. Reno kept spitting out snarky comments about his impressively quick recovery time, fighting him for car keys, to finally driving him home with the radio blaring on full volume. Reno was clearly excited, and Rude knew why - it was the first day in a long while, where they both had a free evening to spend outside the damn Shinra Tower. After their last mission had gone awry, Tseng had finally found enough humanity in his heart to send them both home. They’d only needed to patch Rude up, and, well...That hadn’t gone as planned. But Rude hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise since they left the hospital. Reno was running his mouth non stop, bitching about Rude not being careful enough, throwing shit at Tseng for abusing his power - yet Reno was smiling the entire time, and that made Rude nervous.

They stepped into the elevator to reach Rude's floor, and Reno stood close to him, closer than he should, their shoulders almost touching, EMR tapping rhythmically on his thigh. He kept on going about takeout and beers, seemingly happy for a movie night, but the way he kept shifting in place…

Rude cleared his throat.

"Reno-"

"Nah man, I'm dead serious. We can order them extra spicy and make a challenge: who can last longer without wheezing-"

"No, listen-"

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Reno nudged him with a wink. "If we end up shitting our guts out afterwards, that will be enough of a reason to get a damn day off. It's a win-win situation!"

Rude tried to speak again as the elevator stopped. Reno gave him a wide smile and stepped out first, slouching a bit, dragging his feet like he was trying not to bolt to the door. Rude felt a smile forcing its way onto his mouth, but he fought it down. His partner looked back over his shoulder, blue eyes glimmering, waiting for Rude to go on ahead and open the apartment door. Obviously Rude had given Reno his own key a long time ago, but they still had to take certain steps while in public. Nobody knew they had a...thing. And it was better this way. Safer for sure.

"Fuck, finally!" Reno stumbled in first, unfolding his arms from behind his head to remove his goggles. He threw them on the sofa along with his jacket. "I thought this day would never fucking end!"

Rude threw the deadbolt home, then took off his glasses and placed them carefully on the shelf beneath the halfway mirror. That was all he managed to do before a warm body tackled him, wet lips finding and claiming his. Reno moaned into the kiss, clawing at Rude’s chest, desperately trying to tear off his suit jacket.Rude’s fingers seized at Reno’s hips. Now would be the right time to stop him. To grab onto his partner's wrists, hold him still and tell him they're not going to have fun tonight, because the experimental medicine he took at the hospital left him chemically castrated for the next two weeks. He could - should do that, but Reno's tongue was sliding over his, while gentle fingers found their way under his collar, caressing the skin, and he just couldn't resist. Aroused or not, he missed having Reno in his arms, missed holding him close, enjoying his warmth. And with someone like Reno, it was hard to get here without the promise of sex hanging not far back. So instead of being his normal responsible self, Rude caved, grabbing Reno by the hair, deepening their kiss till it was impossible to breathe. At some point his back hit the apartment wall and he gasped for air, letting his partner's talented mouth travel down his jawline to his neck.

"I know, I know, I should relax" Reno whispered into his collarbone, tugging Rude’s purple shirt out of his pants. "But I wanted you on me since this damn morning..."

Oh no.

Rude recalled wanting the same thing just few hours earlier - with all the lust gone because of the drug, he made up his mind. Would be unfair to Reno to let it go on longer.

"Reno, stop."

His partner looked up at him, licking his teeth impatiently. Rude didn't need to be hard to recognise how gorgeous he was: face flushed pink, half-lidded eyes cloudy with desire, panting through kiss-swollen lips. He slowly, sensually ran his fingers through his own ponytail, flicking it against his milky white torso, then started to unbutton his dress shirt.

"Too fast for ya, big guy?" he purred, leaning in close again, hot breath ghosting over Rude's lips. Rude took a step back.

"I can't." Fuck, how should he even say it?

"It's alright, I won't bite..." Reno's catchphrase, used in many situations, words followed by a wet lick from dark-skinned throat up to a heavily pierced ear. "Unless you ask nicely..."

Rude sighed and finally, gently pushed his partner away, trying to ignore the surprised and hurt look in Reno’s eyes. This was going to be bad.

"I'm serious. I can't. You laughed at how quickly I left the hospital - that's because I got an experimental drug. It has side effects."

"...What?"

"Nothing serious: dizziness, occasional nausea, and lack of sex drive." Mostly that last part. He watched Reno's brows furrow as he tried to process that information.

"What in the fuck?" Reno took his hands off Rude's belt buckle, clearly taken aback. "What do you...how long?"

"Up to two weeks."

"What?!"

Oh, he was getting mad. Rude knew it was coming, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"The fuck kind of sick joke is that?”

Watching his partner pace around the living room, white dress shirt hanging low on his elbows, pale muscular body glistening slightly with sweat - Rude truly felt sober, and painfully so. The sight was alluring, yet all he could think about was how to diffuse the situation.

"It's going to be okay-"

"The fuck are you talking about?!" Reno threw his arms wide. "Why did they give you that shit?! Why did you even take it?!"

Rude calmly started to remove his gloves, placing them near his glasses.

"It was either that or staying put for a few days. There are no meds to heal broken bones yet, partner."

Reno made a face, opening his mouth as if to protest, then closing it again. Yeah, materia was not an option with the current limitations. Rude watched him closely, trying to time any incoming attack, while continuing removing his clothes. They both needed a shower anyway.

"So what now?" came a voice, spiked with palpable sarcasm. Reno leaned on the side of the sofa, staring him down. "We're supposed to wait two weeks till your dick finds its will to live again?"

"Basically" Rude took off his shirt and started folding it. He heard Reno burst into offended laughter.

"Great. So I can go back to my place now, huh? No need for me to hang around." He started picking up his things. "Fuck me, I guess, that's like the most twisted fucked up prank you could pull on me, I hope you're fuckin happy with it-"

"I'm not happy with it either." Rude snapped, fingers digging hard into the purple fabric he was holding. He had expected this, unfortunately. It was Reno's way of dealing with disappointment. "They didn't tell me about the side effects until they gave it to me.”

Reno snorted, turning around to face him.

"What kind of shithead doctor doesn't warn you about side effects before offering a miracle drug?!"

One who believes the Turks have no love life.

"They didn't qualify them as serious ones, I suppose."

Silence. Reno stared at him openly, like he was waiting for Rude to start laughing at him for falling for it. Then he crossed the distance between them in a few quick steps and palmed his partner's groin, giving it a squeeze. Rude jerked and hissed, baring his teeth. No game.

"Huh." Reno let go of his soft dick, looking up at him through his dishevelled bangs. "And I could take you for such a ride. Shame, really."

He turned around, twirling his goggles around his index finger. Not a care in the world. Rude followed him to the door, thinking hard on what to say.

"Doesn't mean you gotta leave," he tried. Reno laughed again, a very bitter sound.

"Oh yeah, I can stay, sure. We can do jigsaw puzzles of kittens, drink herbal tea and talk about life like an old married couple?"

That was supposed to be a joke, yet for Rude it sounded appealing. He wouldn't mind that in the slightest.

"What's wrong with that?"

Reno shot him a glare over his shoulder.

"Yeah, no. I don't want to see your sad, limp dick today."

Rude felt a wave of anger rising in his chest.

"Sounded like you came over just to see it, ten minutes ago."

Pale cheeks turned dark red and Rude prepared himself for a punch in the face. Nothing happened.

"Whatever."

A click of the door lock, followed by a slam, and Reno was gone. Rude exhaled and retreated back into his apartment, trying not to dwell on it. That was always what he told himself every time they argued about something. He’d known Reno for years, and he knew his partner would get nasty and unfair just to save himself from either being embarrassed or proven wrong. Reno always spoke without thinking, and he probably didn't mean to offend him - Rude just happened to be on the receiving end of his disappointment. It still hurt though.

Rude turned on the tv and plopped down on the sofa, mindlessly flipping through the channels. He didn't even flinch when the door opened again and Reno marched back in, just to land on the opposite end of the sofa with an irritated huff.

"This fucking sucks," he said. Rude had nothing to add to that, eyes still on the screen. On his right, Reno sighed and melted into the black cushions. "You have any beer?"

"Yeah."

The television blared a mindless commercial. Rude could feel Reno's eyes on him.

"You still want wings?"

At least it sounded like a peace offering. Rude smirked.

"Make them extra spicy."

Reno chuckled to himself.

"Deal."

***

It took a while for the awkward air between them to disperse and turn into their usual laidback vibe. They both took turns with the shower and slipped into more comfortable clothing. Reno ordered the wings and actually paid for them this time - a clear sign he was feeling guilty for his outburst earlier. So when they both sat down with food and drinks in front of the tv, Rude thought they weren’t far from kitten jigsaw puzzles. Beer helped even more, and soon the apartment rang with laughter over some random comedy movie they found on the network, Reno's commentary making it even better. One dumb flick ended and some drama started, and it took Rude a moment to realise Reno had fallen asleep. He happened to look away from the screen, wanting to ask if Reno needed a refill, and stopped cold. In time Reno's head moved from the cushions to his shoulder, his still-damp hair leaving a wet spot on his t-shirt. Rude pulled him closer, tangling his fingers into the fiery locks. He stared at his partner's long, dark eyelashes and sharp tattoos on equally sharp cheekbones, his heart swelling with stupid fondness. This sleeping man was the source of most of his problems and yet he would sacrifice a lot, if not everything, for him to stay happy and calm like this. He leaned down, placing a kiss on the top of the red head, causing Reno to stir a bit.

"Huh...? What....?"

Rude panicked a little, but didn't take his hand away.

"Your roots are showing."

"Fuck off..." Reno mumbled into his shirt, obviously too comfortable to move. "I'll do them tomorrow..."

Rude reached for the remote and turned off the television. Darkness fell around them, making it even more intimate than before. Reno took the hint and moved to a sitting position, stretching his back. Rude patted his head.

"Should go to bed”

"Yeah, yeah..."

Rude threw away the empty beer cans and greasy wings leftovers, turned off the kitchen lights,double-checked the door and headed to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorframe, taking in the rare sight of a not-naked Reno, faceplanted on the bed. He had borrowed one of Rude's cotton t-shirts, complaining of course about Rude’s boring fashion sense. Washed-out grey fabric was a good background for his bright red hair and fair complexion, although the whole piece was too baggy on such a frail form. Rude caught himself staring and shook his head. He didn't want to behave like a creep. He sat down on the bed, placed his phone on the nightstand then lay down on his back with a relaxed sigh. Reno made no sound the whole time, probably already deeply asleep. His arms were circled around a pillow, face buried in the soft surface. He always slept on his stomach like an animal, afraid to leave his vulnerable spots uncovered. Rude inched closer to his partner on an impulse, brushing the hair away from his neck. He slowly leaned down, drinking in the scent of his own cologne, faintly coming off of Reno’s body. His lips made brief contact with the pale skin before Reno rolled his shoulders, groaning.

"Get off me, it's too hot..."

So much for affection. Rude rolled back to his side of the bed, closing his eyes. He wondered why it was always like this, before the day's fatigue dragged him into a dreamless pit.

***

And it was always like this. Ever since they’d shared their first kiss over a barely escaped explosion, ever since Reno's hands had pulled him into the bedroom of his messy apartment. His partner seemed to have two modes: lover, or a friend. Nothing in between. And since they never talked about it, Rude had just accepted that if he wanted some TLC, some dicking had to be involved in return. No sex drive meant no close physical contact between them, since Reno would wiggle his way out of a simple hug every time if he knew it wasn’t going to lead to anything. Okay, maybe not every time - if one of them was hurt, or Reno was too tired to give a damn, he’d hold still and let Rude touch. Like last night, when Reno had been okay with Rude playing with his hair for like, a minute. It would be fine (painful, considering the feelings Rude had for this walking inconsistency), if not for the mixed signals he was getting. Clearly, Reno enjoyed affection. He basked in compliments and melted under caresses, returning them with equall passion. He would lean into Rude's palms, purring happily, arching his body just to brush against Rude. He would crawl or scooch closer to him on the sofa when Rude wasn't looking, or smile to himself briefly when getting a peck on the cheek. Yet whenever Rude tried to linger with his touches, his partner would resolve to mockery and jokes about Rude being "needy" or "horny". It hurt, granted, not very much, cause he was used to it. Though he had no idea what was going to happen now.

The phone started buzzing and Rude snatched it off the shelf without even opening his eyes. Switching the alarm off, he got up in one swift motion. He was sure Reno would be dead to the world for at least another hour, which gave him time to shave, dress up and take care of breakfast. So fifteen minutes later, Rude turned off his electric razor in surprise when he heard the coffee maker choking in the kitchen. Rude stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his neck. Shockingly, Reno was up and running, flipping a frying pan in one hand, and gathering eggs in the other over the stove.

"Morning!" Reno said cheerfully, as he dropped bread slices into boiling grease. Rude blinked.

"What are you doing?"

"Racing chocobos," Reno snorted. "What does it look like I'm doing? Sit your ass down, it's almost ready.

Rude wanted to mention coffee, but it seemed his partner had everything covered. So he sat down at the small kitchen table, watching Reno dance around the cupboards and coffee maker.

"Here," Reno slid a mug and a plate across the table - black coffee and what was propably supposed to be a toasted egg sandwich. It looked like a greasy mess with egg yolk peeking through unevenly fried bread. Details and overall presentation were not Reno's strongest points.

"Thanks," Rude said, grabbing the mug first. It was hard to fuck up a premade coffee. "Why are you up this early?"

Reno shrugged, gobbling the food down his mouth faster than a vacuum.

"Couldn't sleep."

That was enough of an explanation. They both fell silent, just consuming nutrients for the day. Rude ate breakfast with pleasure - Reno's cooking wasn't pretty, but it was tasty and incredibly filling. Reno sipped his coffee absentmindedly, holding his Moogle mug with both hands. It was nice, just sitting like this, sharing a meal in each other's company. Rude wished they could do that everyday - though his partner's doomsday meals would get them atherosclerosis in a matter of weeks. He would be okay with this.

Rude scraped the last crumbs from his plate, his fork clanged over it a tad too loud and just like that, the spell broke. Reno jumped up to gather the cutlery, babbling about how he’d found this recipe online, and how brilliant it was. Rude watched him silently till he got swatted on the face with a dish rag. 

“Get a move on.”

Rude went to dress up, head erupting with thoughts. He had never been attracted to men, not even a little bit - until he’d met his partner. And despite years spent learning every curve of Reno’s muscles and bones, under every circumstance possible, it still did things to him. That slim yet strong body, that silhouette. That face. That voice. He just wanted to hug him and never let go.

As he came back into the kitchen, still fixing the cuffs of his shirt, Rude yet again laid eyes on his partner, slightly bent over the sink, busy with cleaning. Flashes of his own palms, one pressing hard between milky shoulder blades, the other full of red hair, and his mouth sucking and biting onto a white ear fogged his brain for a split second. How currently he had no desire for doing that, was mind-boggling. He stood behind Reno and leaned on him with his entire weight, sneaking both arms around Reno’s waist, pulling him close. Reno moved nervously.

"What?"

"Nothing." Rude rubbed his nose over a sharp cheekbone, placing a small kiss over the red tattoo stripe. So warm. So comforting.

"Oh?" Reno's voice turned sultry in an instant, as he pressed back into his partner. "Did the side effects wear off already...?"

They hadn’t. Nothing was happening in Rude's pants, but his heart was burning. He waited an entirety of thirty seconds before reluctantly retreating.

"No."

"Then what the hell?" He hadn’t moved fast enough to avoid this. Rude sighed.

"A thank you. For the breakfast."

"You're such a fucking sap."

Right on cue. Rude paid it no mind.

Work that day was intense and brutal, and so wonderfully distracting. They got to infiltrate a suspicious group, the thrill of the fight wiping out all the stupid emotions and doubts. Breaking necks and jaws, having Reno at his back, sounds of skulls cracked open with his EMR - it left no place for thinking, other than “take another one down”. With Reno’s lightning spells and his own fire powerups, they seemed to turn into a tornado, crackling with raw energy. They met no resistance, managing to grab few remaining lackeys to torture later. Tseng took one look at their bloody figures emerging from the dark alley, before excusing them for the rest of the day. Reno waved at them both in a nonchalant manner, loudly voicing his intentions for getting hammered at home. His home. His own apartment. Without Rude. No blatant invitations, no discreet hand waving, no winks. He had to be really fed up with this no-sex business, and how could Rude blame him?

Rude went home alone, changed clothes, made some tea and sat down, trying to focus on reading. Since the very start of their arrangement, they had never set any rules, never discussed any details. “It was an open relationship” he supposed one would say, “friends with benefits”. He had no guarantee Reno wouldn't pick up anyone new out of frustration - that he wasn't picking up people all the time just for variety. Rude trusted his partner, but he’d never asked to be sure. Who was he to go out there and demand fidelity? Funny, despite how well they understood each other, they weren't the best at communicating about this kind of...stuff.

Reno did that for a few days in a row and probably would have continued, if they hadn’t both gotten stuck at work one evening. Down in the conference room, Reno fidgeted in his seat, trying to pop his bones into place.

"Fucking hell, I hate being on standby..."

Rude only grunted in response. Reno groaned louder, falling forward to rest his chin on his folded arms.

"Someone just fucking end me..." he exclaimed, voice muffled in his sleeves. Rude watched his neck muscles flex uncomfortably. The tension was a constant thing in their job, where they were glued to the chopper's cockpit for literally hours. Without thinking, he reached for Reno's neck, moving the rat tail aside to press his fingers to certain points at the base of the skull. Reno jerked, exhaling through his teeth, but he let Rude stroke and dig into the strained flesh. After a minute or so he relaxed, humming in pleasure.

"How the fuck do you do that...?" he murmured, a hint of curiosity laced in his tone. Rude smiled to himself. Since he primarly fought hand-to-hand, he’d had to learn where to punch to inflict the most damage - that had required some anatomy lessons. Reno stretched over the desk with a purr and lifted his head. It was a sign for Rude to move his hand away.

"What about you?" Blue eyes, crinkled in contentment, darted to Rude’s own stiff neck. Rude looked away.

"I'm fine."

"Don't give me that shit." Reno sat up in his chai and slid a hand behind his partner's ear. "Lemme help too."

Things had to be fair, Rude noted. Reno could be an asshole, but he always returned favors. Any favors. Having no other excuse, Rude slouched down to expose more of his back, and Reno's chair squeaked as he leaned over, fingers landing on dark skin.

"Like this?"

Reno started stroking and pressing randomly around the soreness. Rude simply seized his partner's wrist and started guiding his hand, finger by finger.

"Press here, then stroke upwards. Then press again."

Reno did as he was told and soon relief washed over Rude too, the tension finally releasing in his upper spine.

"Just like that."

Reno giggled coyly.

"Man...I feel like I could kill you just by applying too much pressure in the wrong place."

"You couldn't." Rude closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation. "Put me out of commission for a day maybe."

"Oh, we wouldn't want that."

Slim fingers kept massaging him and even though the throbbing was gone, Rude didn't move. The pressure left his neck and slid down his back, rubbing at his spine, then a hard fist landed a punch over his kidneys, making him jump with a grunt. Blinking fast, he glared at Reno, who stuck his tongue out at him with a smirk.

"Don't get too comfy there, partner."

"Shithead." Rude muttered under his breath as Reno laughed obnoxiously. Their phones pinged simultaneously, ending the standby, and they both headed to the door. Rude stopped with his hand over the light switch.

"Want to get drinks afterwards?"

Reno peeked at him through his red bangs.

"What’re we having? Beer?"

"Could be whiskey."

"Woah there."

Rude was almost certain he was going to decline. Why would he agree if there was still no sex on the table? Reno broke the silence when the elevator came to a halt at the last floor.

"I don't think we’ll have time tonight."

True. It was almost midnight. Rude didn't respond, cold resignation already settling in.

"Tomorrow?" Reno's gaze briefly met his eyes. "If we get off early enough, you know?..."

A glint of hope.

"Yeah. I know."

Night bled right into the day, separated by only a few hours of sleep caught in the crash area in the basement of the Shinra building. From assignment to assignment, from driving Rufus around Midgar to defusing bombs in the lower areas of sector 5, Shinra was throwing them like tennis balls, waiting only for the impact sounds to come back as confirmation of a job well done. Afternoon had rolled in by the time they were finally able to take Rude's car back to his apartment. And maybe they had eaten too little between missions, maybe the car had been touch too warm, but half a bottle of whiskey was enough for them to end up a tangled mess on the couch, making out like crazy teenagers. 

Rude couldn't tell when exactly Reno had straddled his hips, nor when his own arms enveloped the man in a powerful, heated grip. All coherency left him for what seemed like hours, and he came to his senses mid-action, busy sucking on Reno's tongue. Saliva dripped down his chin, mixing with the alcohol already spilled on his bare chest. He dropped his glass onto the cushions, hands busy kneading his partner's ass through his trousers. His purple shirt was still present, but half ripped open, tie and buttons probably lost forever. His vision was hazy, making Reno's form stand out weirdly precisely against a blurred background. Rude tried to say something but it wasn't easy with Reno’s mouth affixed to his own, strong, creamy limbs firmly clasped around his neck. He resolved it by getting a hold on Reno's face, parting their lips by force. They both gasped loudly.

"Whah..." His own voice rang distorted in his ears. Reno chuckled into his neck, sloppily licking and nipping him.

"You soun' funneh," Reno slurred, caressing all the skin he could reach in a drunken hurry. Crimson hair stuck out around his head like a messy halo, long strands flooding down his heaving chest like tiny rivers of blood. Rude ran his hands up Reno's sides, thumbs rubbing at his skin, clammy with sweat. The living room seemed drenched in murk, the only light source being the lamps from the kitchen. Rude focused back on Reno as slim hips rolled again and again over his lap, small, desperate moans escaping his partner's lips.

"Please..." Reno whined between the kisses he kept placing over Rude’s chest. "I need...hah..."

Rude knew what he wanted and still couldn't do a lot to satisfy him. He let Reno rub over his crotch, an idea lighting up in his fog-filled brain. He sneaked a hand between them to cup the outline of a strained erection. Reno choked out a whimper, grinding harder.

"N-no..." he mumbled, heavily landing his forehead on Rude's. "I can't...do you..."

"It's okay."

"Nnnnn...." Reno shook his head, panting against Rude’s mouth. Rude claimed his lips, swallowing the taste of whiskey and unspoken doubts, fingers getting inside Reno’s black suit pants.

"Lemme...do this for you..." he stammered into his partner's chin, his other hand stroking Reno’s feverishly hot neck. Reno made a disapproving sound, despite how continuously he was thrusting into Rude's palm, body moving on its own, chasing his release. 

"s...not fair...ah..."

"It’s okay" Rude repeated, trying to get used to his own voice. "You can do...something for me too..."

Reno made a sound in his ear, his clawing fingertips matching the speed of Rude's teeth, lazily grazing on a pink nipple.

"Just hold me. Like this." Rude muttered quietly into the tight embrace, hand stilling for a moment. "Like...you care about me. Just do what you've been doing..."

That didn't come out right, but Reno didn't seem to catch it. He nuzzled Rude’s face, leaning into his arms.

"Okay..."

***

When Rude opened his eyes, it was still dark outside. Thankfully, because his head was pounding and it felt like his throat was full of sand. Cautiously, he lifted his head. Reno was laying beside him, snuggled tight against his chest, red hair tickling his jaw, arms clasped around his middle. Somehow they’d managed to transport themselves into the bedroom, though he had no idea when or how. The last thing Rude remembered was drinking the remaining whiskey out of his partner's mouth. Not a bad memory, considering what else they had been doing. He peeled his sweaty hand off of Reno's hip, trying to feel his surroundings. His lips felt numb and his right hand was covered with dried fluids. He sighed, fist falling back down onto the sheets with a soft thud. Reno twitched.

"Sorry," Rude whispered into his hair, stroking wild tufts down gently. "Go back to sleep."

"...what time is it...?"

"No idea." Rude shot a tired look outside the window. The street lights were still lit, their faint glow radiating from behind the blinds. Reno slid his palms up Rude’s chest, making his whole body tense, waiting for the redhead to move away. But he didn't, he just yawned loudly, hot breath scorching on the skin.

"M not drinkin' with you ever again..."

Rude chuckled, wincing, as the sound roared inside his skull.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, partner."

Dark fingers climbed down Reno's shoulder, landing on his knuckles. Reno stiffened and moved his hand away.

"Ugh, okay, I'll move, just...gimme a moment, so the room stops fucking spinnin'..."

Rude clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. It seemed like he couldn't offer his partner anything appealing beside his dick. His touch, his presence wasn't desired. He himself wasn't good enough. The sheer realisation made his heart sink. Maybe he should just choose, for both of them. Maybe they should have just stayed friends. Never cross that enticing line. Too late for that - he’d had a taste and then kept lapping at it for years of their partnership, kept going along with it just for a chance to keep Reno close, for just a minute, an hour, a night. As if knowing what he was thinking, Reno snorted, playing with the zipper of his pants.

"Guess it'll take longer for me to find an actual reason to come here, huh?"

Rude felt his partner's fingers drumming over his still unresponsive groin. In a fit of anger, he swatted Reno’s hand away, moving to a sitting position. Reno slid off him with a yelp.

"You better leave then. Don't want to waste more of your time."

The world spinned as he attempted to get up too quickly. He fell back down, fighting the nausea crawling up his throat. He felt Reno's eyes on him.

"You're throwing me out?"

A tinge of hurt rang in his partner's voice. Then Rude could hear him stretch and roll around in the rustling sheets.

"Good call." The cocky tone was back, and when Rude leered to the side, Reno could not look more tempting. His blue eyes were cold, half covered by long eyelashes, arms thrown carelessly above his fiery red hair, lips curved in a sly smirk.

"You want this body, don't ya, partner," he teased. "That's why you put up with me for this long. Don't deny it...If not for the drug, you'd be all over me."

This game, this display had no physical effect on him. It looked more desperate than anything, and for a split second Rude understood. Anger disappeared, replaced by warmth, as he found the strength to lean down, towering over his partner. Reno closed his eyes, pouting his lips a bit, expecting action there. But Rude skipped his mouth, placing a short, chaste kiss on his forehead.

"I'd be all over you no matter what, if only you let me." He made a move to back away, but Reno wasn't having it. His hand shot up to Rude’s hip, halting him midway, fury dancing in his enlarged pupils.

"You want me," he spat out in a demanding tone. "You want my body."

"I want you," Rude admitted, his knuckles caressing the side of Reno's face. "All of you."

It could have been the weird lighting, but something changed in his partner's eyes, face reflecting absolute bewilderment.

"What...? Why?"

It was so genuine, it almost made Rude laugh. 

It seemed like Reno wasn't expecting an answer, as he rolled off the bed and darted to the living room. Before Rude could crawl off the bed, he heard the front door open and slam shut.

The next day Rude was truly grateful for his signature shades. It helped hide his bloodshot eyes - Tseng wasn't staring at him half as much as Reno. The poor man looked like a shadow of himself, with uncombed hair and green around the gills, drinking cup after cup of coffee, gaze sternly affixed to the floor. It wasn't exactly awkward to sit in the office next to each other and catch up on paperwork, but there was some tension lingering in the air. Rude felt like shit but it seemed Reno was in worse shape, hunched over his keyboard pressing the heels of his hands into his eye sockets.

"You're okay?" Rude asked in a hushed, attentive tone. Reno nodded slowly.

"Mhm."

"You should drink water instead of coffee."

"Fuck off."

So he did, going back to typing. He knew his partner well enough to know when to give up on prying. A few hours and a couple of liters of caffeine later, Reno moved from his chair to the office sofa, laying down with an arm thrown over his eyes. Rude finished his work for the day and turned away from the monitor. They should be free in fifteen minutes standard time, but with the type of jobs they were assigned to, that was never a given. The conference room was so quiet. Obviously Reno wasn't in the mood to talk. Rude suspected he had continued drinking at home, very stupid and very typical of him. He crossed the room to sit by Reno’s side.

"Maybe you should clock out already. I can cover for you."

"How fucking sweet..." Reno uttered angrily, arm still in its place. "You gonna carry me home and tuck me in bed too?"

Their usual banter, nothing more. They were both wary of their surroundings. Rude pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"My point is, you're useless like this. In an emergency you're only going to get in the way."

"Get in the way..." Reno repeated after him in a mocking tone. "Then thank fuck we're off duty in ten, right?"  
Technically. But that hadn’t stopped Tseng from throwing a new assignment at them in the past. Reno rolled onto his side.

"Can you drive me home?" he asked timidly. "I don't think I can get behind the wheel today..."

How in the hell he got to the office in the first place was beyond Rude. 

"Sure thing."

They waited in silence till it was alright for them to leave. From the office to the elevator, and down to the parking lot - the fastest route. Rude turned the car keys, waking up the engine. He wondered where exactly they should go. What did “home” mean, exactly?

"We can go to your place," Reno said in a low voice, staring through the side windshield. "It's closer."

He looked so defeated. Was it all the alcohol's doing? Amidst cleaning the mess around the apartment and trying to get ready for work in the morning, Rude hadn’t had time to think about what happened. It had seemed like they’d gotten somewhere, or at least he’d thought so. And if Reno wanted to come to his place, knowing full well that the side effects still hadn’t worn off...Something was hanging in the air for sure.

They got to Rude’s place, and it was such a contrast to how it happened a week ago - this time no excitement was present, no happy chit-chat, no smiles. Just a tired expression and nervous nibbling at the jacket cuffs. Rude left the elevator first and went to his door to unlock it. Reno pushed past him and threw his goggles across the living room. He dropped on the sofa soundlessly, shoulders tense. What was he waiting for? Rude locked the door and removed his jacket.

"You drank more this morning, didn't you."

"No shit..."

"How irresponsible can you be?" Rude sighed, closing the gap between them. Reno twitched, startled. "I thought you were smarter than this..."

"You thought wrong." His partner let out a bitter laugh. "I'm only what you see."

"What do you mean?"

Reno looked at him, a challenge flashing through his turquoise eyes. He stood up, pushing his chest out and removed his hair clip. Holding Rude’s gaze, he let his hair down, fingers teasing over his shirt buttons.

“Does that do anything for ya?"

"Yeah." It would be a lie if he said it didn’t. Reno smirked, seemingly victorious.

"That's right..." Reno slithered closer, reaching for his tie. "That's all you're getting. That's all you want."

Rude grabbed his wrist.

"I thought I told you what I want."

Reno blinked in surprise and for a second he lost his seductive mask. Behind it, Rude saw fear and self doubt - on an impulse he pulled his partner forward, closing him in his arms. 

"Let go of me," Reno breathed into his shoulder. Rude didn't respond, gently stroking the shivering body in his grasp. "Let go, you fucking-"

"I told you, I want all of you."

Reno stopped squirming.

"Why are you doing this to me," he whispered brokenly. Rude stroked his hair in a calming manner. "Does it give you some messed up satisfaction...? You stupid asshole..."

He made one last attempt to wriggle his way out. Rude didn't let go. He expected punches and bites, but Reno only sagged deeper into the embrace.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Rude decided to be honest. They were figuring it out, now or never.

"I don't know why. Maybe I just got used to you." To his scent, to his touch, to his voice, so damn much it hurt anytime they parted. Reno huffed.

"To this body, huh?"

"No, you idiot."

His partner started laughing.

"Right. Cause you love cleaning up after me, and listening to me talk about shit that doesn't interest you in the slightest, and swallowing every insult I can throw at you."

It's not like he enjoyed it, truth to be told. That was just Reno, the little shit. Rude hugged him closer.

"All of this, all this sacrifice, just for a chance to fuck me. You're a brave soul, partner."

This bullshit again.

"Please, let go."

"No." Rude kissed his shoulder. "You still don't get it. I don't need your body."

Reno made a move like he wanted to pry himself away. Rude kept him still, moving his lips next to a pale ear.

"I think that one was already proven."

"You keep grabbing me around, and touching me and holding me, and...stop messing with me, of course you need my body. What else would you want me for..."

"If I could get comfort differently, I would." Rude admitted. "I do that mostly for myself. I'm just a selfish human."

He pushed Reno enough to be able to look at his face. Blue eyes darted to the side, a deep blush rising over his cheeks.

"I bleed, I cry. And from time to time, I need to feel someone by my side." he finally let go of his partner, giving him a chance to step away. "But if you want me to stop, I will. Just say the word."

Reno didn't move. Eyebrows furrowed, bottom lip bitten down, eyes still looking away. Rude nuzzled his hair, inhaling the faint smell of aftershave mixed with alcohol. He still loved it.

"You should have a woman for that." Reno blurted out. "Would be a much better choice." He took a step back, head falling down. "Worth your while..."

Rude didn't say anything. He removed his tie, then his glasses. Reno watched him closely from the corner of his eye, fidgeting. He could feel that gaze, even when Rude left the room to find something more comfortable to wear in the closet. When he came back Reno was still standing in the same spot, like an abandoned child. Rude patted his head on his way to the kitchen

"Take a shower. You'll stink up the place," he said, jokingly. Reno looked straight at him.

"If you keep doing that, I will get attached." He whispered so quietly, Rude barely heard it. "And then what will I do, if you die?"

"What...?" Rude turned around, two mugs in hand. He fought down the urge to charge this stupid man and pin him to the couch, to stop all this nonsense. Reno took off his shirt and threw it on the floor, reaching the bathroom in heavy steps.

Silence descended like a hammer on the apartment, soon disturbed only by the sound of running water. Rude took this time to make some herbal tea, good for easing the hangover headache. He placed the array of mugs on the coffee table and turned on the tv. The familiar, simple noise of a gaming show filled the room, giving it a hint of normality. Reno joined him on the couch some time later, wordlessly bottoming up his mug. Rude noticed the distance between them, but did nothing to close the gap. He had done enough for now. His partner had to take the next step.

"What is this shit?" Reno pointed at the screen with his Moogle mug.

"No clue."

A sigh, followed by a clang of the empty mug on the glass table. Attention grabbed fully by the silly program with colorful numbers and yelling people.

"I'll do my best not to die," Rude uttered over his tea.

On his side Reno nodded, moving his knees up to his chest. In this line of work, thinking about the future was dumb. They both understood that. Death was watching them from every corner.

Rude looked over at his partner. His damp bangs were combed back away from his forehead. The upper part of his oversized shirt was drenched, like he hadn’t dried off at all. It still made Rude's heart sting. He would rather spend his free time with this disaster of a human being than chase after possibilities. He really was hopeless. 

Reno noticed him staring and gave him a wavering smile.

"Guess it's too late to back off now."

"For me, yes. You?"

Instead of answering, Reno got up and came over to him, settling on his lap without asking permission. Rude grunted under the sudden weight, arms spreading. A veil of wet redness slapped his face as Reno sat down with a humm of approval.

"How about this?" Reno mused, turning his face to the side, smirking mischievously. Rude rolled his eyes and shoved his partner's head away from his nose, then made few adjustments with Reno’s lanky limbs so they could both sit comfortably. He put his chin over a damp shoulder, hardly able to believe what was happening.

Reno leaned back on him, taking a deep breath.

"I don't know how to do this," he said quietly. Rude put his arms around his partner’s slim waist, the warmth of his creamy skin seeping through the fabric of his shirt. What he felt wasn't arousal, but something far greater, something with way more depth. Something he had always experienced while holding this mouthy redhead, though now with double the force.

"You'll figure it out," Rude mumbled through a smile, planting small kisses over a bony shoulder, peeking out of a loose shirt collar. Reno squirmed, his breath hitching a bit.

"Damn you're clingy... Fuck, stop teasing me..."

"Sorry." He wasn't that sorry, though. "I can't help it..."

"Cause my personality is so attractive." Reno shook with stifled laughter. Rude twisted his face, forcing plump pink lips open with a hard kiss.

"It is to me," he murmured, when they parted, gasping. Reno couldn't hold his gaze for long, looking back at the tv, blushing intensely.

"Shut the fuck up..."

They cuddled on the sofa the entire evening, exchanging kisses and insults over the sounds of the television. Late at night they moved their asses to the bedroom and when Reno snuggled up to his side, throwing one leg over Rude’s hips, Rude felt at ease for the first time in a long while.

"I'm not cleaning," Reno muttered sleepily into his pecs. "Just puttin' it out there."

"Right. You're cooking though." Rude buried his face in the red spikes of hair.

"Once a week."

"More often than that, you shit."

Reno giggled, moving his hand down the front of Rude’s boxers.

"Man, I wish this drug would wear off already..."

"God, me too." As much as it had helped fix some things, Rude was over being so frigid. "I'm going to wreck you so bad, you won't be able to walk."

"Please do," Reno mumbled. "Maybe that will finally get us a day off..."

Rude let his partner drift away into slumber, gently petting his milky thigh under the covers. It took him another minute to follow suit, yet this time the darkness that awaited him on the other side was much calmer and more inviting than before.


End file.
